Flying Around
I am always in the habit of thinking and living life slightly off the normal. I see the world with a different perspective.
Sometimes it is exhausting to be so full of ideas but not have a clear path to follow. Sometimes the mind goes into overdrive, and then you feel like you are getting nothing accomplished. It's hard to focus on all the thoughts that are flying around in your head, and it can make you feel crazy.
If you're like me, your mind is constantly racing with a storm of ideas. It can be tough to find the silence amidst all the noise, but it's important to take some time for yourself every day to just think.
I used to think that being a painter meant that I had to paint. I would see other painters with their canvases and brushes and think that that was what I was supposed to do. But I don't want to paint.
I don't like the process of painting. It's messy and it takes too long.
Rather its sketching that I am attracted to. I like a lot to sketch. Its relaxing and satisfying to see something unfold little by little from nowhere. Sketching is less messy.
It’s a different facet that even sketching takes up a lot of time.. hours actually.. even a few days .. yet, spending days, hours.. whatever on a sketch is more enjoyable to me. Though I like a lot to go through different paintings and figure out the techniques. In fact I appreciate a lot at the expertise of various painters and their art.
Yet, I personally do not seem to enjoy or even love painting .. with colours I mean. But I do love colours.
I think I am just an impossible case of a typical person who is perpetually and forever confused and lost in the world of mesmerizing colours.
I realized that I don't have to paint/sketch just because I'm a painter. I can do other things with my art. I can draw, or sculpt, or take photographs. There are so many different ways to express myself creatively, and sketching is just one of them.
As a matter of fact, to waste time wisely is also an ART… I hear so ! 😉
Now, whenever I see someone working on a painting, I don't envy them. I'm happy doing what I'm doing, and I know that there's no one right way to be an artist.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, it's late at night and I can't sleep. My mind is racing with a million different ideas and I can't seem to shut it off. So I get up, grab my laptop, and start writing. This is my outlet, my release valve, my silent mind with a storm of ideas.
This is where I come to sort through the jumble of thoughts floating around in my head. It's like a dream within a dream; everything is chaotic and doesn't make much sense, but somehow in the process of writing it all down, it all comes together.
And my mind wanders and tends to think what happened 5 years ago, or something that happened a few hours ago.. or rewinding a conversation with an old friend.. or something that could happen 7 years from now… My mind is like a hurricane.. a wreck. Lovely thoughts as well as awful thoughts.
Right now my mind is wandering aimlessly, and restless. And distracted. And hungry for more wanderless thoughts.
No one can tell what goes on between the person I was and the person who is wandering into nowhere right now and the person I have become. There are no maps of the changes.
I just woke up after I fell asleep under those glaring round lights. I just had a lot of time suddenly.. I learnt to walk again in shaky legs at first.. then small baby steps again.. until my steps became steady.
I woke up differently this time while I learnt to walk again, I realized I am most happy when I am absorbed in something, lost in the moment and forget the time.
Its 2 am and my mind wanders along. I am living in an organized chaos; and I am good with it.
People always say they'll always be here! but they are not here at 2 am .. when the world is collapsing all around you and your thoughts are beginning to scream ! What a Twist !
Truly said that a ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.
So if you're ever up late at night and can't sleep, come on over to my blog and see what's going on in my mind. You never know, you might just find something that resonates with you.